Deep down in my heart, I somehow or rather knew that I was carrying a baby boy. It’s because I was diagnosed with Diabetes Type II during my early pregnancy. I told myself, with Allah’s will, if I am able to continue with the pregnancy, the baby must be a boy. Strong and determined to get through this minor hurdles in life. We will do it together, you and me. I watched my diet and you continue to grow healthy in my warm womb. The day came and we welcome you into this world with open hearts. You complete the family. You made everybody happy. Your sisters were crying when they first laid their eyes on you. Such a beautiful gift. Everybody were so excited. Then we brought you home and my full journey on breastfeeding continues. Oh boy, I wished it was easy and simple as ABC. But I was taken aback. What am I doing wrong? Why were you never satisfied with the milk you’ve just had? Why are you still crying? Is my boob not doing her job? Is the milk not enough? At times, I wanted to scream so loud so that everyone in the house know what I’m going through at that moment. I was not happy. I wasn’t sleeping well, I had to wake up every hour and feed you and yet still you cried. He is hungry. It must be my milk. Yes, my milk is not enough for you. I forced Babah to go to the nearest store and buy me a formula. We need to do this. He is hungry, I can tell. But luckily, the formula brand that I was looking for was always not in store. Was it a sign?
I gave up. Despite the cracking and sore bleeding nipple, I continued on. I told myself, I am capable of feeding my son and insyallah, I will get through this. I try to set small goals. The first was to continue to nurse you up to two months. Then it became to six and then to a year. Same goes to my milk stock, at first it was only a few bottles, than it started to build up until there’s not enough room to store some of the pumped breastmilk, that I have to donate some of it.
Now we have already passed that one year stage and still, each time I come home from work, the first thing you always ask me is to unbutton my shirt. You will cheekily grinned and open your mouth to feed. The special bond that only you and I share. The serene feeling and the contentment I feel gazing at you. We have made it darling. I have never thought I could do this. All the sacrifices I made has been worthwhile. I would not want it any other way. You made me feel whole. And I get to show you this picture of us during that special bond, this is you and me in our own sweet world.
During the ‘turbulence’ period, I always relied on these sites for guidance and to know that I am not the only one not sleeping at three in the morning, that gave me a sense of relieve and I have always reminded myself of this quote, shared by moms during the early stage of breastfeeding that this too shall pass.
This picture was taken by my other half, my sidekick, Azlan. I am thankful that my husband is so supportive and committed through my nursing journey. This picture is also for my third week of Project 52 with the Amazing You. Do and come visit us here. We love it very much. I am feeling hopeful and really into this Project 52 that I even signed up with My Four Hens Photography to follow her group of amazing talents and support which is also doing the Project 52 for 2015. So sometimes, if the theme is connected, I will use the same image for both projects. And so happy to tell you that my first picture for the theme “FRESH” was selected as Eye Candy, with some other amazing photos too. You can check it out here.
Atuk is an avid reader. Reading habit runs in the family. Hopefully Khaled will continue and follows his atuk’s footsteps. As he saw his atuk reading Khaled grabbed his book and walked towards him. Found his best spot, just a yard away, Khaled started flipping his book as though he understands every single word in it. That made the old man laugh hard.
Moments like these are hard to predict. Just make sure you have your camera most of the time. They are precious if you can capture and treasure it. It doesn’t matter where it happens. It doesn’t have to be somewhere beautiful, with nice sunset whatsoever. Surely, it doesn’t matter when. These are normal happenings in our life, everyday. We can let it go by. Or we can keep it as a treasure. It is up to us how to value those moments.
This is the first post for my 52 Project of 2015. The word is FRESH. Fresh beginning.
Late last night I told Azlan, we need to go somewhere tomorrow. Just go anywhere.
So this morning, we made a trip to Bagan Lalang. His sisters were still snoring when we left the house. The weather was not that perfect but Khaled was really happy playing in the puddles at the beach. This was his first. Everything looks fresh and exciting to him. He had his first taste of sea water and sand. Seeing him very thrilled, we know this won’t be his last.
Today is the last day of 2014. So many things happened this year. Some are good, some are bad and quite a few a bit challenging. At the very beginning of this year, I collaborated with two budding photographers who are also mommies to document our children every week in 2014. A total of 52 weeks. A big challenge for me I can say. I have always fell flat on the face for something like this. At the back of my mind, I thought I would stop two three months after doing it because lack of creativity or motivation. I have no time, I’m too lazy to get up early in the morning to catch the beautiful light, I don’t live in the countryside where there are mountains and streams! The editing task is killing me!! There’s always a reason to every failed project. That I kid you not. You may think that it’s an easy task, after all it’s just a photo of your kid and how difficult can it be? Well, if you ask me, sometimes my gut and my mind is not playing along so well that it’s just a mere fog inside this head of mine. At some weekends I just want to stay in bed and lay like a dead log. But with Allah’s will, I managed to finish the 52 project with a little help from my friends, (don’t you just love girl friends!! Shout out to you, Zubye and Milin I love you girls!!!). Thank you for the great journey together this year and don’t forget we have a really big task next year since our project will be a little bigger. We have decided to invite the talented mommies to join in the fun, the more is the merrier.
If you are interested to get to know us, please follow the link here.
On a different note, I just wanted to say that this year, something had totally changed. I’am no longer feel envious (in a good way) looking at other photographer’s work that I admire and wish that I have thought and capture the images the same away, I feel somehow I have passed all that stage. I have come to learn that we are all different. We look and perceive things differently. The journey we took so far, the books we read, the music we listens to, the friends we have, the ‘what am I looking for” is different. No one is ever the same. Be different. Be bold. Be yourself. It’s much easier to be yourself. Yes, I admit that I, myself have flaws and not perfect but everything that had happened to me, everything that came my way was just what Allah wanted it to be. What matters to me the most is the work that I produced, the contentment and happiness on the face of my clients when they flicked the album pages that I have just delivered to them, the laughter of the children looking at their photos, the father admiring the photos of his newborn daughter, an image of a toddler trying to make the first step and many more, this is my passion and this is ultimately what I love to do. I don’t want to be rich by doing this (you are crazy if you think you can be rich doing photography!) or famous because I have a total of one million follower. I want to do it because I love doing it!. Just that. Having said that, of course when you talked about the investment that you made for hiring me, I need to think of all the cost that I have to bear. That my friend would be in a different post.
Now, if you are like me and you need a little boost every now and then, I promised you this PEOPLE are the ones you should be following because they give you good, positive vibes!!
and I have just add this inspiring lady to my list of “photographer who I should follow because they are RAD and deep inside my heart, how I wished I could write like her”
Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” – Eleanor Roosevelt. I believe the quest for knowledge is a never ending process to all, no matter what your background is. I hope through the photography courses that I am intending to take part in will help me grow and move me towards the direction that I want to go.
A huge thank you and a virtual hug to all those who have been with me through the journey, my sidekick, my most important person in the world, Azlan, my children, my family and not forgetting, all my friends. With that being said, I welcome 2015 with a big heart. Bring it on!!!! Happy New Year everyone! May Allah bless us all.
Mama, Khaled nak pergi bantu kawan-kawan Khaled yang sedang dalam kesusahan kerana banjir, kesian kawan-kawan Khaled, mesti tengah sejuk, lapar dan macam-macam lagi. Kalau banjir surut, Khaled nak bantu bina semula rumah mereka.Tapi sebelum Khaled pergi, Khaled nak susu sikit dulu, boleh tak mama?
Khaled tak boleh pergi lagi sayang, awak kecil lagi, nanti kita tanya Babah apa boleh kita buat untuk bantu kawan-kawan Khaled yer, kalau tak boleh beri bantuan dari segi kebendaan atau wang ringgit, kita bantu dari segi doa pada Allah, hari-hari Khaled dengan mama berdoa, semoga diringankan beban, diberikan semangat pada mangsa-mangsa banjir untuk mengharungi kesusahan. Setiap yang berlaku ada hikmahnya. Kita harus lihat dari sudut yang positif. Allah kan ada….
The whole family travelled to Ipoh, Perak last week. We spent a night in the Lost Hotel, Tambun and the next day after that, we went roaming in the town of Ipoh. Lots of new things to experience and good food to taste. Ipoh definately didn’t disappoint us. We will be back, that’s for sure! Here are some photos that I would like to share.
These type of people. They are on every photographer’s wishlist. You know what I mean, the client who are very easy to work with, understand what you do and how you do your work and the very most important aspect of all is they trust you as the photographer to document those intimate moments. Yes, I like to say it. I met them and I was given the privilege to document their life.
It was raining in Shah Alam that morning, but shortly after that the weather turned out just fantastic. The kids were all eager and excited for a day of fun with us. Laughter and joy fills the air. Working with children is never easy but after years of experience, we kinda know where to push the button and we love it even more when the child joined in the fun as well. Happy photographer. Happy mommy and daddy. Happy kids. Another great moment cherished.
He so fascinated by the light coming through the window. As adult we might just ignore it, but to him it is such a mystery and a magical thing altogether. This little boy has taught me a lot of lesson. Small things do matter too mama. See it from a different view. Open your heart and you can see magic unfolds in front of you everyday!
Dear sweet boy of mine,
Today is an extra special day for you. It’s because today is your day, my baby. Today you reached one year old. How amazing and awesome is that. I am so in love and happy to see that you have grown to a very healthy baby boy.
Khaled, you started calling mama and babah when you were nine months old. It was such a joyful moment for us. Your favourite television show is babytv and how you loved to dance when they play out the “It’s today your special day” song. You clapped your hands to show how excited you are to me and babah. Your favourite biscuit is Jacob Weetameal. You like to drink plain water every time and also mama’s milk. Your favorite fruit is of course banana. You can have plenty of them at one go. Bath time is your favorite time of the day. If I let you be, you can spend your entire day in the water. You are a water baby. Sometimes you get naugthy and you crawled slowly to the toilet without us noticing and after that nenek will have a shock of her life to see you in there grinning widely. But don’t worry, the toilet now is always locked and can only be opened by adults.
Oh baby, I love everything about you. I love how sweet your mouth smells after each meal. I love your crazy hair when you wake up in the morning. I love your chubby legs. I can kiss them all day long and still not be satisfied. I thank Allah for all the blessings and pray that you will always be under his protection.